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A compendium of politically incorrect polemics and other writings

A CHRISTMAS CAROL -
THE MUSICAL!

Concert Edition

Freely adapted from the classic fable by
CHARLES DICKENS

Book and Lyrics by
THOMAS BILLINGS

Original Musical Score by
DAVID HOWITT

Copyright 2002 by
Thomas Billings and David Howitt
All Rights Reserved.

THIS WORK MAY NOT BE COPIED IN ANY WAY OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE COPYRIGHT HOLDERS. FOR INFORMATION ABOUT OBTAINING SUCH PERMISSION, CONTACT THE PUBLISHER, ZZYZZYX PRESS, P.O. DRAWER I, ALAMEDA, CA 94501.

CAST OF CHARACTERS
(In the Order of Their Appearance)

Note: In Victorian England, people became “grown up” much younger than today and so, in casting this show, younger people may sometimes appropriately play adult roles. In many instances, multiple roles can be played by a single actor.

FOUR CAROLERS (Soprano, Alto, Tenor, Bass)
BOB CRATCHIT, Scrooge’s clerk (Tenor)
EBENEZER SCROOGE (Baritone)
FRED SEDGWICK, Scrooge's nephew (Baritone)
JACOB MARLEY’S GHOST, Ghost of Scrooge’s partner (Bass)
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST, First of three spirits
EBENEZER THE BOY, Scrooge as a child of about 12
FAN (SCROOGE) SEDGWICK, Scrooge’s sister of about 10
EBENEZER THE YOUNG MAN, Belle’s suitor
BELLE ATWELL, Scrooge’s intended (Soprano)
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT, Second of three spirits (Alto)
PHOEBE CRATCHIT, Bob Cratchit’s wife (Mezzo or Alto)
TINY TIM CRATCHIT, Cratchit’s lame son
LETICIA SEDGWICK, Fred’s wife (Mezzo or Alto)
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS TO COME, Third of three spirits (Mute!)
OLD JOE, A Beetler (Bass)
MRS. DILBER (Soprano)
CHARWOMAN (Alto)
UNDERTAKER'S MAN (Tenor)
ARCHIE LOCKARD, Cockney boy (10 or so)

SYNOPSIS OF SCENES

ACT I

Scene 1 A Busy London Street
Scene 2 Scrooge’s Counting House
Scene 3 Scrooge’s Lodgings
Scene 4 A School Room
Scene 5 A Chimney Corner
Scene 6 Scrooge’s Lodgings
Scene 7 Cratchit’s Kitchen

Intermission (Optional)

ACT II

Scene 1 Fred’s Parlor
Scene 2 A Wretched Dismal Place
Scene 3 A Beetling Shop
Scene 4 Cratchit’s Kitchen
Scene 5 Scrooge’s Lodgings
Scene 6 Fred’s Parlor
Scene 7 Cratchit’s Kitchen
Scene 8 A London Street

MUSICAL NUMBERS

ACT I

1. OVERTURE - Orchestra
2. OPENING VIGNETTE - Orchestra
3. MERRY CHRISTMAS! - Carolers
4. BAH! HUMBUG! - Scrooge
5. CHRISTMAS IS A GOOD TIME! - Fred
6. HUMBUG! / GOOD TIME! (Repartee Reprise) - Scrooge, Fred
7. WHY CAN’T WE BE FRIENDS? - Fred, Scrooge
8. MERRY CHRISTMAS! (Reprise) - Carolers
9. BAH! HUMBUG! (Reprise) - Scrooge
10. I DON’T BELIEVE MY EYES - Scrooge
11. HEAR ME! - Marley’s Ghost
12. IT SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY - Scrooge
13. SOMETHING THAT WILL NEVER BE - Young Belle
14. THE FOUNDER OF THE FEAST - Cratchit, Mrs. Cratchit
15. GOD BLESS US EVERY ONE! - Tiny Tim, Cratchit Family

ACT II

21. ENTR’ACTE - Orchestra
22. COMICAL OLD FELLOW - Fred, His Family
23. MERRY CHRISTMAS! (Reprise) - Fred, His Family
24. OH! MORTAL MAN, LOOK THERE! Second Spirit
25. A BEETLERS LAMENT - Old Joe, Mrs. Dilber, Charwoman, Undertaker's Man
26. WE’LL ALWAYS HAVE EACH OTHER - Cratchit, His Family
27. OH HAPPIEST OF DAYS - Scrooge
28. CRATCHIT’S COMEUPPANCE - Scrooge
29. GOD BLESS US EVERY ONE! (Reprise) - Tiny Tim, Cratchit Family
30. MERRY CHRISTMAS! (Reprise) - Fred, His Family
31. FINALE ULTIMO MEDLEY Entire Company
32. EXIT MUSIC - MERRY CHRISTMAS! (Reprise) - Orchestra

Musical Number # 1 - “Overture”

SCENE: A Busy London street

Musical Number # 3 - “Merry Christmas!”

CAROLERS (singing)
Merry Christmas for all children
And for all their parents, too.
Merry Christmas for our neighbors
For good friends both old and new!

Merry Christmas for the lonely,
And for all those in distress.
Merry Christmas for our lov’d ones,
For them all we wish the best!

Merry Christmas, we remember
Christ our Lord was born this day,
Bringing peace and joy forever,
Taking all our cares away!

(Refrain)
Merry Christmas! we do wish you,
And a Happy New Year, too!
Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!
Joy to you the whole year through!

SCENE: Scrooge's Counting House

NARRATOR
The sign on the door still said Scrooge and Marley. They had been money lenders, but Marley had been dead for seven long years this Christmas evening. As darkness fell, Scrooge and his impoverished, long-suffering Clerk, Bob Cratchit, labored on by candle light, Scrooge in warm comfort, and Cratchit half frozen near his tiny fire.

Scrooge had no family, only his nephew Fred, son of Scrooge's now dead sister, Fan. True to form, Fred called in on Scrooge again this evening with holiday greetings.

FRED
(Jovially) A Merry Christmas, Uncle! God save you!

SCROOGE
Bah! Humbug! I say “Humbug!”

FRED
Christmas a humbug, uncle? You don’t mean that, I’m sure.

SCROOGE
I absolutely do. Merry Christmas! Bah! What right have you to be merry? You’re poor enough!

FRED
(Gaily) Well, then, what right have you to be dismal? You’re rich enough!

SCROOGE
Bah! Humbug!

FRED
Don’t be cross, uncle.

Musical Number # 4 - “Bah! Humbug!”

SCROOGE (singing)
Yes, I’m really cross!
What else should I hope to be?
When the world is full of fools,
As most can plainly see.

So what is Christmas?
You’re sure a whole year older,
But not a minute richer,
Nor an hour bolder.

What’s Christmas to you?
A time for paying bills
Without the cash to do it?
Now how is that for thrills!

Yes, Merry Christmas!
If I only had my way,
Every fool who mouths those words
Would surely rue the day.

Buried merry! Yes!
Holly stake right through his heart.
Boiled in his own plum pudding,
Then wouldn’t he look smart!

(Refrain)
Bah! Out upon it!
Merry Christmas! Bah! Indeed!
Christmas is a humbug sure,
A day I’ll never need.

(Coda)
Christmas is a nonsense,
And I say Bah! Humbug!

FRED
(Pleading) Uncle!

SCROOGE
(Sternly) Nephew! You keep Christmas in your way. I’ll keep it in mine.

FRED
But that’s the point. You don’t keep it.

SCROOGE
Then let me leave it alone. It's never done you much good.

Musical Number # 5 - “Christmas Is A Good Time!”

FRED (singing)
There are many good things in this world,
Most things of great value to me,
And even a few without profit,
As good folks can easily see.

And I’ve always thought about Christmas,
Whenever its time rolls around,
As a pleasant, good time for kindness,
And good will to all, to abound.

We all know we owe veneration
To the one for whom it is named,
And to the day’s origin sacred:
To spurn Christmas one should be shamed.

Christmas, I vow, is the only time,
In all the long span of the year,
When good people open their hearts up,
And set aside all of their fears.

At Christmas, we look at each other
As comrades who hope to be sav’d,
And not as some alien creatures
Destined somewhere else than the grave.

(Refrain)
It hasn’t put gold in my pockets,
But I know it’s done me lots of good,
So I say to you now, ‘God Bless it!’
May its worth be by all understood.

(Coda)
Christmas is a good time,
And I say God bless it!

Musical Number # 6 - “Humbug” and “Good Time” (as Repartee)

FRED (finishes)
Christmas is a good time,
And I say God bless it!

SCROOGE (finishes)
Christmas is a nonsense,
And I say Bah! Humbug!

(CRATCHIT applauds FRED. SCROOGE gives him a withering glance.)

SCROOGE
(To Cratchit) One more sound from you, and you’ll keep your Christmas by losing your situation. (Then to Fred) You’re such a powerful speaker. Why aren't you in Parliament?

FRED
Don’t be cross, uncle. Dine with us tomorrow. It’s Christmas Day.

SCROOGE
No! No! No! I’ll see you hung, drawn, quartered, chopped up into little pieces and fed to the seven-headed dog before I tangle myself up in your Christmas humbug!

FRED
But why, Uncle.

Musical Number # 7 - “Why Can’t We Be Friends?

FRED (singing)
I see you’re feeling grouchy.
There’s nothing I want from you,
and nothing I ask of you,
so why can’t we be friends?

SCROOGE (singing)
Good afternoon.

FRED (singing)
My heart is really sorry
to find you are so stubborn.
We never had a quarrel
in which I was at fault.

SCROOGE (singing)
Good afternoon!

FRED (singing)
I’ve tried my best in homage
to Christmas that I honor.
I’ll keep my Christmas humor
right to the very last.

SCROOGE (singing)
Good afternoon!!

FRED (singing)
A Merry Christmas, Uncle!
We wish you’d come to dinner,
And share the joy of Christmas
With us at long, long last.

SCROOGE (singing)
Good afternoon!!!

FRED (singing)
A Happy New Year to you!
I’ve done the best I can do.
The rest is up to you now,
So please be of good cheer!

SCROOGE (singing)
Good afternoon!!!!

Coda
FRED (singing)
A Merry Christmas, Uncle!

SCROOGE (singing)
Good afternoon!!!!

FRED (singing)
And a Happy New Year, too!

SCROOGE (singing)
Good afternoon!!!!
Good afternoon!!!!
Good afternoon!!!!

FRED
A Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours Mr. Cratchit.

CRATCHIT
(Warmly) Thank’ee, sir, and the same to you.

SCROOGE
(Aside) There’s another one, my clerk, Bob Cratchit! Talking of Merry Christmas with only fifteen shillings a week and a family to support. I may go mad!

Musical Number # 8 - “Merry Christmas!” (Reprise)

CAROLERS (singing off stage)

SCROOGE
Merry Christmas indeed! I say Humbug! Bah! Humbug!

Musical Number # 9 - ‘Bah! Humbug!’ (Reprise)

SCROOGE (singing as a soliloquy)
Oh! Merry Christmas!
If I only had my way,
Every idiot mouthing it
Would surely rue the day.

Buried, merry! Yes!
Holly stake right through his heart.
Boiled in his own plum pudding,
Then wouldn’t he look smart!

Yes! Merry Christmas!
What a blight upon my ear.
The season to be jolly?
The folly of the year!

(Refrain)
Bah! Out upon it!
Merry Christmas! Bah! Indeed!
Christmas is a humbug sure,
A day I’ll never need.

SCROOGE
Time to close up for today. I suppose you’ll want the whole day off tomorrow.

CRATCHIT
If it's convenient, Sir.

SCROOGE
It’s neither convenient nor fair. If I docked your pay, you’d think me stingy. But you've no problem taking a day’s wages for no work.

CRATCHIT
But, Sir, it’s only one day a year.

SCROOGE
A poor excuse for picking my pocket every twenty-fifth of December, but if you must have the whole day, take it, but be here earlier next morning.

CRATCHIT
Yes, Sir. Thank’ee, Sir. Good night, Sir.

SCROOGE
Humbug!

NARRATOR
And so they closed up the office and went their separate ways in the cold darkness. After stopping to eat, SCROOGE made his way to the lodgings he once shared with Marley and thought for just a moment he saw Marley's face staring out at him from the door knocker.

SCROOGE
What a miserable evening. Chilled me to the bone. And foggy, too. My supper ain’t agreeing with me. (Clanking and rattling of chains.)

Musical Number # 10 – “I Don’t Believe My Eyes”

SCROOGE (singing)
(Introduction)
How now! What’s this?
A humbug, surely, I’ll be bound!

The darkness must be playing tricks.
I’d swear I saw old Marley’s face.
From out the knocker it did peer.
Then, on my stairs a hearse did race!

It’s indigestion sure, I’ll bet.
For supper, something bad I et.
It’s foggy, cold outside, and yet
Worse things inside I now have met.

Just now, outside my window there,
Were spirits floating in the air:
Ethereal, transparent, sad
And moaning, groaning, — likely mad!

(A cacophony of strident bells is heard along with clanking, rattling and loud thumping)

Now, all those bells, so long disused,
With clanking, thumping sounds confused,
And rattling chains — some thing abused?
Now almost scared, I’m not amused.

It’s Jacob Marley! Him I know!
Or, much more likely, Marley’s shade,
All weighted down with keys and locks,
And other symbols of our trade.

I see right through him! ghost is he?
My senses trick me or some such!
They used to say he had no bowels.
Now seeing that is far too much!

And so grim spirit, speak, I pray.
What is’t you’d have of me this day?
And tell me quickly, ‘ere you go,
What causes you to haunt me so?

(Refrain)
It’s a humbug still,
This figment of my mind.
Although I do perceive it,
I truly can’t conceive it,
And simply won’t believe it.
I don’t believe my eyes!

MARLEY'S GHOST
(Emits a truly terrifying moaning groan.)

SCROOGE
(Still caustic) What do you want of me?

MARLEY'S GHOST
(Commanding) Much!

SCROOGE
(Aside) It's Marley's voice. (To Marley's Ghost) Who are you?

MARLEY'S GHOST
In life I was your partner, Jacob Marley.

SCROOGE
Why do you trouble me this way?

Musical Number # 11 - "HEAR ME!¨

MARLEY'S GHOST (singing)
(Refrain)
Hear me! Hear me! Hear me!

Oh! Mortal man! Now mark me well!
It is required of all men
The spirit biding in their hearts
Must walk among their fellow men
And travel somewhere, sometime far,
And if it goes not forth in life
It must then do so after death
Then doom'd to wander through the world.

(More moaning, groaning and rattling of chains.)

Oh! Woe is me! Oh! Woe is me! Oh! Woe!

SCROOGE
(Trembling) I see you're wearing chains. Why?

MARLEY'S GHOST (singing)
I wear the chain I forged in life
I made each link and yard by yard
By my own will I put it on
And so I chose to wear it, too.
Look closely at the things attached
Know you them not ? Are they so strange?
Do you not know what these things are?
They symbolize my life, and yours.

Know you the chain that is your own?
The weighty coil you bear yourself?
That you have fashioned through the years.
Just seven Christmas nights ago,
Your chain was then as heavy, and
As long as this I bear..
Since then you've labored building up
Your own, and now it's truly ponderous.

SCROOGE
(Imploring) Please, Jacob! Speak some comfort!

MARLEY'S GHOST (singing)
Of comfort naught have I to give
It comes from other regions far
By agents of a different sort
To different kinds of men than you.
I cannot rest. I cannot stay
In life I never walked abroad
Beyond our dingy office walls.
Now weary journeys lie ahead.

SCROOGE
Seven years dead, and traveling all the time?

MARLEY'S GHOST
The whole time. No rest. No peace. Incessant torture of remorse.

SCROOGE
You must travel fast?

MARLEY'S GHOST (singing)
(Moaning, groaning, and clanking again)
Oh! Captive bound in double irons
To know not what extent of toil
By creatures foreign to this earth
Must pass into eternity
'Ere earth's potential is achieved,
And no regret can make amends
For opportunities misused,
Yet such was I! Oh! Such was I!

SCROOGE
(Tentatively) But you were always good in business.

MARLEY'S GHOST (singing)
Oh! No! My business was mankind
Its welfare should have been my trade.
I should have sought benevolence
And peace, and mercy most of all.
Now hear! My time is nearly gone!

SCROOGE
Yes, Yes - but don't be hard on me.

MARLEY'S GHOST
You'll be haunted by three spirits. Look to see me no more. And for your own sake, mark you well what I have said.

NARRATOR
And thereupon the ghost disappeared through the window to join a host of moaning spirits hovering in the air. Exhausted, SCROOGE fell asleep only to be wakened by a new intruder.

SCENE: Scrooge's Bed Chamber

SCROOGE
Are you the Spirit Marley told me of?

FIRST SPIRIT
I am!

SCROOGE
Who are you?

FIRST SPIRIT
I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past.

SCROOGE
What brings you here this night?

FIRST SPIRIT
Your salvation is my mission. Rise! Walk with me! See, there!

SCENE: An Open Field

SCROOGE
Say! I know this place. I lived here as a boy.

FIRST SPIRIT
You remember the way?

Musical Number # 12 - “It Seems Like Yesterday”

SCROOGE (singing)
(Refrain)
Remember it? Of course I do!
Why, I could see it in the dark,
And never miss a thing because
It seems like yesterday!

See! Over there’s the great oak tree,
And old man Tyler’s rusty gate,
And there’s our little market town.
See, there’s the river winding down
Toward the bridge, and over there’s the church,
And look, see there! A truly merry time!
Oh, see the boys and shaggy ponies, too.
See how they race their pony carts along.

FIRST SPIRIT
These are but shadows of things that have been. They're not aware of us.

SCROOGE (singing)
I know those boys! I know ‘em all.
There’s James and Jonathan and Hal
And Adam, Michael, Ben and Giles.
Oh! Hear them now. Each wishes all
A Merry Christmas as they part their ways.
But what is Merry Christmas now to me?
What good for me did Christmas ever do?
So Merry Christmas! Out on it I say!

SCENE: A School Room

FIRST SPIRIT
See that lonely child, neglected by all, still lingers there at boarding school.

SCROOGE (singing)
That child I know. He had no friends,
So he did read and fantasize!
And, look, it’s Ali Baba there,
Old Ali Baba, that good man,
And there’s his donkey loaded down with wood.
There was a Christmas time when yonder child
Was left abandoned here, and all alone,
And Ali Baba came to comfort him.

And Valentine. There’s Valentine!
And Orson his demented friend. See them.
There. See them go. And what’s his name?
The Sultan’s slave turned upside down!
The Genie did that trick, and well deserved,
And was I ever glad to witness it!
What right had he to wed the likes of her?
The Princess, kind and fair, of all my dreams!

And there’s the parrot, sure enough,
With yellow tail and body green,
And lettuce leaves atop his head.
Why, there’s good Robin Crusoe now!
I wonder where he’s been? I say, “Halloo!”
With Friday, too, now running for his life!
Well, Robin thought ‘twas nothing but a dream,
But in the end, ‘twas not a dream but true.

SCENE: The Open Air

SCROOGE
Spirit! Here we are in the open air again. Will you show me more things?

FIRST SPIRIT
I will, but quickly, now. My time grows short.

SCENE: A Chimney Corner

NARRATOR
As a young man, SCROOGE became engaged to a lovely, gentle, kindly young lady named Belle, but as time went on he focused more and more on business, and less and less on her, and so . . .

Musical Number # 15 - “Something That Will Never Be”

YOUNG BELLE (singing)
It matters little to you, now,
So very little, I’m dismayed.
Your other idol took my place,
But I will never grieve,
If it can cheer and comfort you,
Just as I would, so I believe.

EBENEZER THE YOUNG MAN
(Incredulous) An idol has displaced you? What idol?

YOUNG BELLE (Speaking)
One made of gold.

YOUNG BELLE (singing)
Our world together, as we’d planned,
Is something that will never be.
You are no longer who you were.
You now love gold, not me.
That idol’s changed me greatly, now,
In your affection and esteem.

EBENEZER THE YOUNG MAN
The world judges poverty so harshly, and yet condemns pursuit of wealth as well!

YOUNG BELLE
We were betrothed so long ago when both of us were poor and hoped to get ahead by working hard. But you ARE changed.

EBENEZER THE YOUNG MAN
(Impatiently) I was merely a boy.

YOUNG BELLE (singing)
In some new course apart from me,
I hope you’ll be forever glad.
For you the best I’ll always wish,
And never something bad.
So young and poor when we began,
To end it thus is truly sad.

EBENEZER THE YOUNG MAN
Have I ever sought release?

YOUNG BELLE (Speaking)
What promised happiness to us when we were very young is fraught with pain now that we've grown apart. And so I do release you now.

YOUNG BELLE (singing)
Oh! Tell me truly now, I pray.
I’m sure your feelings tell you, too:
If we were not betrothed today,
You’d surely let me go.
‘Tis sad, but very true indeed,
I am no longer what you need.

And so I do release you now.
You would not seek me out today.
Without a dowry, I’d just be
A burden in your way.
Farewell! Though still I love the man
you were, before you went astray.

SCROOGE
Hateful Spirit! Why remind me of this? Be gone from me!

SCENE: Scrooge's Bed Chamber

NARRATOR
And so the Spirit went leaving SCROOGE asleep once more in his bed. But not for long because another visitor appeared.

SECOND SPIRIT
Merry Christmas, Ebenezer! Pray rise and know me better. I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present!

SCROOGE
Take me wherever you please. Last night I went reluctantly but learned a lesson. If you have more to teach, I'll try to learn it, too.

SCENE: En Route to Cratchit’s Kitchen

NARRATOR
Traveling quickly, the Spirit showed SCROOGE much of Christmas morning, men shoveling snow, boys throwing snow balls, townsfolk buying things for Christmas dinner (Church bells) And then the shops began to close as folks went home to dress their best and go to church, the Spirit stopped again.

SECOND SPIRIT
Do you know who lives here?

SCROOGE
Indeed I do. Bob Cratchit somehow lives here with his family on fifteen shillings a week.

SECOND SPIRIT
A Christmas blessing on this house and all who live herein.

SCENE: Cratchit’s Kitchen

MRS. CRATCHIT
Wherever is your father then? And your brother Tiny Tim?

BELINDA CRATCHIT
Look! Father’s coming.

MRS. CRATCHIT
And how did little Tim behave?

CRATCHIT
As good as gold. But he thinks the strangest things. He said he hoped people saw he’s lame. It might remind them on this day who made the cripples walk and blind men see.

SCROOGE
Spirit, I’m concerned about Tiny Tim. Will he live?

SECOND SPIRIT
I see a vacant seat.

SCROOGE
No! No!

SECOND SPIRIT
A vacant seat, and a little crutch without an owner.

SCROOGE
Oh! No! Say it won’t be so.

Musical Number # 19 - “The Founder of the Feast”

CRATCHIT (singing)
We’ll have our dinner in a trice,
But first, we’ll have our Christmas toast.
Our holiday'll be very nice,
I’m not ashamed a bit to boast.

Good news I have to tell you all.
I’ve found a job for Peter here
That brings in five and six a week,
So now his manhood doth draw near.

And Martha, too, has found her way,
Apprenticed to a milliner.
Long hours and hard work, but now
Her situation is secure.

But best of all, we are intact.
Our fam’ly dear is ‘round us here.
It’s clear we cherish being one,
And so we’ll be throughout next year.

Good fortune smiles on us this day!
Our goose is splendid, large, and cheap!
And tender, succulent to boot,
A bounteous meal for us to eat.

The pudding, too, beyond compare,
A tribute to my dear wife’s skill,
Which we’ll enjoy now presently,
Delighted ‘til we’ve had our fill.

Dear fam’ly gathered close around,
I think it only fair, at least,
To toast the one we owe the most -
Indeed, the founder of our feast!

Except for him, there would not be
A goose or pudding here, at least,
And so a toast, to Mr. SCROOGE!
Undoubted founder of our feast!

MRS. CRATCHIT (singing)
The founder of our feast indeed!
I wish I had him here aright!
Upon a piece of mind of mine
He’d feast and have good appetite!

CRATCHIT (singing)
My dear, dear wife, it’s Christmas day.
Be mindful of the children here.
It is not meet that on this day
Such angry thoughts should reach their ears.

MRS. CRATCHIT (singing)
It should be Christmas day on which
One drinks to such a stingy man.
Unfeeling, hard, and mean, it’s years
Since his ill use of you began.

CRATCHIT (singing)
My dearest wife, I beg you, please!
It’s Christmas day, and charity
Should guide our thoughts, and how we feel,
And what we let our children see.

MRS. CRATCHIT (singing)
I’ll drink his health for your own sake,
And for the day’s, but not for his.
Long life to him! That he may learn
What Christian kindness really is!

SCROOGE
I didn't know they thought me such an ogre. Oh, woe is me! Is there no remedy?

SECOND SPIRIT
What was yesterday, was. No changing that now. What is today, is. No changing that now, either. What will be tomorrow, will be. But not necessarily the same as yesterday or even as today.

MRS. CRATCHIT
Now let me give you all a toast to cap our festive Christmas meal.

Musical Number # 20 - "God Bless Us Every One!"

MRS. CRATCHIT (singing)
So here's my heartfelt toast to all
Now that our Christmas feast is done:
May we most humbly thankful be -
And may God bless us, every one!

This time of year our world is cold
And dark, and drear, without the sun
But brighter days must lie ahead
For God will bless us, every one!

We all might wish for many things
That cannot be: Tim'd like to run,
But better we the good things count,
For God does bless us, every one!

Our loving fam'ly's all around
And Tim's indeed our much loved son.
We'll nurture him and comfort him
So please, God, bless us, every one!

Our Tim's yet young of limb and heart
For his dear life has just begun
We'll all attend him day and night,
And God will bless us, every one!

Of poverty, adversity
Yes, we indeed have tasted some
But every day some joy shines through
For God has blest us, every one!

We'll persevere from day to day
Our mortal struggles lost and won,
But in the end he'll take us home
Sure, God will save us, every one!

The best of cheer to all of us!
Of joyless Christmas we'll have none.
Now drink my toast and with me pray
Dear God, please bless us, every one!

CRATCHIT
(Raising his glass) A Merry Christmas to us all, my dears, and a Happy New Year. God bless us!

ALL
(In response, raising cups and glasses) God bless us!

TINY TIM
(Raising his glass in a toast) God bless us every one!

SCROOGE
Is there still more to see this night?

SECOND SPIRIT
Much more. Come along swiftly.

SCENE: Fred's Drawing Room
(Fred's loud and merry laughter is heard.)

SCROOGE
What’s that I hear? It sounds like my own nephew, Fred.

Musical Number # 25 - “Comical Old Fellow”

FRED (singing while holding his sides and rolling his head)
Uncle Scrooge! Ha! Ha! Ho! Ho!
A comical old fellow, don’t you know?
Can you believe it? He really said it!
Christmas is a humbug! and, as live,
I really think he thinks it’s really true!

LETICIA
More shame for him, Fred. I don’t find anything amusing in that at all.

FRED (singing continues)
Ha! Ha! Ho! Ho! Uncle Scrooge!
A comical old fellow. That’s the truth!
Unpleasant, yes, but sure he could be worse.
Why, his offenses punish him themselves!
Against him really naught have I to say.

LETICIA
I’m sure he’s very rich. At least you always tell me so.

FRED (singing continues)
So, my dearest, what of that?
You know his wealth is little use to him.
He does no good for anyone with it.
For his own comfort, he’ll not spend, nor e’en
Enjoy the thought he’ll leave it all to us!

LETICIA
I have no patience with him.

FRED (singing continues)
That have I! For him I’m sad.
With him, I’d not be angry if I tried.
Who really suffers most from his ill whims?
Why, he himself, of course, and at all times.
He turn’d our dinner down, whose loss is that?

LETICIA
I think he loses a very good dinner! (ALL agree.)

FRED (singing continues)
Ha! Ha! Ha! The consequence
Of his dislike of us is simply this:
He loses pleasant times he could enjoy,
Our company instead of lonely thoughts
In moldy office, dusty chambers, too.

So, each Christmas, I shall ask
Him once again to dine with us, and if
This charity of mine does naught but prompt
Him to bequeath Bob Cratchit fifty pounds,
Alone that’s something good ‘twill come of it.

LETICIA
Oh, Fred, go on! He’s such a ridiculous fellow!

FRED (singing continues)
Uncle Scrooge! We toast you now!
So here’s our Merry Christmas, Uncle Scrooge,
And here’s our Happy New Year wishes, too.
You wouldn’t take good wishes from me straight,
But may you have our blessing anyway!

FRED
Uncle Scrooge has surely helped to make our evening merry It would be ungrateful not to drink his health. So, raise your glass. I give you Uncle Scrooge!

ALL
Uncle Scrooge!

FRED
A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to the old man! He didn't seem to went it, but may he have it anyway. Uncle Scrooge!

ALL
Merry Christmas, Uncle Scrooge!

Musical Number # 27 - “Merry Christmas!

FRED and HIS FAMILY (singing)
Merry Christmas! for our fam’ly,
Mother, father, children too.
Merry Christmas! may Saint Nick’lous
Bring good cheer to all of you.

Merry Christmas! For our friends here,
And for folk throughout the earth.
Merry Christmas! for all people,
As they mark our Savior’s birth!

Merry Christmas! on His birthday,
We recall the manger spare.
Hope incarnate for mankind in
Christ the newborn lying there!

(Refrain)
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! we do wish you,
And a Happy New Year, too!
Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!
Joy to you the whole year through!

SCENE: A Wretched Dismal Place

SCROOGE
Spirit! This night’s been long. I’m tiring. When will it end?

SECOND SPIRIT
Soon.

SCROOGE
I see something strange just there, not belonging to yourself but following and reaching for your robe. Sometimes I thought I saw its foot. Sometimes it seemed a claw.

Musical Number # 28 - “Oh! Mortal Man, Look There!”

SECOND SPIRIT (singing)
It might have seemed a claw,
For there is flesh upon’t!
Oh! Mortal man, look there!
Look, look you now, look there!

SCROOGE
How pitiful! Spirit are they yours?

SECOND SPIRIT (singing)
They are mankind's abused.
Not mine, They yearn for me,
To save them from their fate
They've ne'er known gentler days.

The boy is ignorance.
The little girl is want.
They are fanatics' seed
Mark me, beware them both.

But most beware the boy.
To prove what he believes
But does not know, he'll kill.
And all mankind will pay.

Don't slander those who tell
Hard truths you'd wish away
For only charity,
Not strive, can save the DAY.

SCENE: A London Street

NARRATOR
Distracted, Scrooge looked away and as he did, the Spirit disappeared. But then another form approached. Dark, somber, hooded, ominous. It never spoke but only pointed.

SCROOGE
Are you the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?
Are you to show me shadows of future things?
I fear you most but think you'll do me good.
Will you not speak to me?
Lead on, then! I know your time is precious!

Musical Number # 29 – “Merry Christmas!” (Reprise)

CAROLERS and TOWNFOLK (singing)
Merry Christmas! For all children,
And for all their parents, too.
Merry Christmas! For our neighbors,
For good friends both old and new!

Merry Christmas! For the lonely,
And for all those in distress.
Merry Christmas! For our lov’d ones
For them all we wish the best!

Merry Christmas! We remember
Christ our Lord was born this day,
Bringing peace and joy forever,
Taking all our cares away!

(Refrain)
Merry Christmas! We do wish you,
And a Happy New Year, too!
Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!
Joy to you the whole year through!

SCROOGE
I know this quarter well. It’s dangerous! Full of crime and filth. What have we here? A reeking den of infamous resort? A beetling shop, I see, judging from the heaps of trash.

Musical Number # 30 - “The Beetler’s Lament”

OLD JOE (singing)
Welcome to my parlor all!
No better place for you to meet!
Stop, now, until I shut my door.
There! listen how it squeaks!

CHARWOMAN(singing)
Missus Dilber, what odds now?
I say each person has the right
For his own int’rests to watch out,
The way Scrooge always did.

MRS. DILBER
That’s true, indeed.

CHARWOMAN (singing)
I wish ‘twere heavier,
And would have been if I had laid
My hands on other things of worth,
But this is all I got.

Do my bundle first, Old Joe,
Tell me truly of its value.
I’m not afraid to be the first,
Nor ‘feared for them to see.

MRS. DILBER
None's the wiser

CHARWOMAN
The wicked old screw warn't natural in his lifetime? If he's been, someone would’ve looked after him 'stead of his gasping out a last breath all by hisself.

MRS. DILBER
A truer word waar never spoke. 'Tis a judgment on him.

CHARWOMAN
Open my bundle, Old Joe, and tell me what it's worth

UNDERTAKER'S MAN
No. Not so fast. Me first.

OLD JOE (singing)
What, indeed, have we here now?
So let me see: a pencil case,
Two seals, two buttons and a broach.
Is that the lot you’ve brought?

UNDERTAKER'S MAN
Aye, indeed, that's it.

OLD JOE
There’s your account, and I'd not give another sixpence if you boiled me in oil. Who's next?

MRS DILBER (singing)
That’ll be me for sure now.
I’ve brought you sugar tongs and towels,
Some sheets, and boots, and bits, and bobs.
How much for all of this?

OLD JOE (singing)
Ladies get too much from me!
My ruin and my shame! That’s it!
If you but ask a penny more,
I’ll knock off half a crown!

CHARWOMAN
Now do my bundle, Old Joe.

OLD JOE
And what on earth d’ye call these?

CHARWOMAN
They be bed curtains.

OLD JOE
Did you take‘em down, rings and all, with him lying there dead?

CHARWOMAN
I surely did, and why not? And you may look through that shirt till your eyes ache, but you won’t find a hole anywhere. They’d have wasted it if I hadn’t got it.

OLD JOE
Wasted it? How?

CHARWOMAN(singing)
Put it on to bury him!
The fools! I took it off again!
He went to rest in calico,
No ugli’r than in life!

Look you now. Here’s how it work’d:
In life he frighten’d all away
To profit us when he was dead!
And there’s the end of it!

SCROOGE
Spirit! I see. That man they spoke of might be me. I beseech you, Spirit, show me some compassion. Some tenderness. (Pause) I know these streets. I've been here recently. Bob Cratchit lives nearby.

SCENE: Cratchit’s Kitchen

CRATCHIT
I ran into Mr. Scrooge’s nephew, Fred, today and he said, “You look a little down. Is something wrong?” So I told him Tim had died. And then he said, “I’m heartily sorry to hear that, Mr. Cratchit and I’m sorry for your good wife, too.”

MRS. CRATCHIT
I’m sure he’s a good soul!

CRATCHIT
It really seemed he’d known our Tim and shared our feelings at our loss.

Musical Number # 31 – “We’ll Always Have Each Other”

CRATCHIT(singing)
My dears, it’s just as likely as it’s not
One of these days, our Peter will depart
To set up house somewhere for him and his.
Don’t fret! There’s time a-plenty left for that.

But when we part, and go our sep’rate ways,
However and wherever that may be,
We’ll all remember Tiny Tim, I’m sure,
The first to part from us: He’s been set free.

MRS. CRATCHIT (singing)
Though but a child, he was so mild, and bore
His cross so patiently, our Tiny Tim.
Remember him whose essence was from God,
And we’ll not eas’ly quarr’l amongst ourselves.

CRATCHIT (singing)
So even when our lives diverge, as sure
They will some day, together always will
We be in heart, in mind, in spirit, too.
We’ll always have each other, come what may.

ALL (singing)
Yes, even when our lives diverge, as sure
They will some day, together always will
We be in heart, in mind, and spirit, too.
We’ll always have each other, come what may.

SCROOGE
Good Spirit! Say these dread shadows yet may change. Say I may yet live to be loved! I’ll honor Christmas in my heart and keep it all year long. I‘ll not forget the lessons I’ve been taught. Assure me with my help that Tiny Tim may yet be saved!

NARRATOR
And then, all of a sudden, Scrooge found himself back in his bedchamber, alone, confused, and puzzled.

SCROOGE
How now? The bed curtains aren’t torn down! Rings and all still are here. I’m still here. Now shadows of things that might have been will be dispelled. I’ll see to it that they are. (Pause) I don’t quite know what to do! Why, a Merry Christmas to everyone! A happy New Year to all the world.

Musical Number # 32 – “Oh! Happiest of Days!”

SCROOGE (singing)
I do not know what day this is,
How long the spirits held me in their thrall,
Or e’en how long I was asleep.
In fact, - I don’t know anything at all!

And I don’t really care a rip!
Indeed I’m like an infant in some ways.
If other folks could see me now,
Their eyes - and minds I surely would amaze!

Oh! Glorious day! No fog! No mist!
With golden sunlight, heav’nly sky so bright,
And sweet fresh air, clear, bracing, cold.
Those merry bells my senses do delight!

(Calling) Hey, there! Boy! What day's today?

BOY
Today? Why, Christmas Day, of course!

SCROOGE (singing)
Oh! Christmas! Happiest of days!
Great luck! I haven’t missed it after all!
They did it in a single night!
And in’t, my mind and heart they did enthrall!

NARRATOR
Determined now to make amends, Scrooge quickly dressed, paid a boy to buy a turkey and send it to Bob Cratchit, and then set off across the town to see his nephew, Fred.

SCENE: Fred's Drawing Room

SCROOGE
Nephew Fred!

FRED
Why bless my soul! It's really you!

SCROOGE
Yes, Fred, it's I, your Uncle Scrooge!

SCROOGE
I’ve come to say I’d like to dine with you if you’re still of a mind to have me?

FRED
Of course, Uncle. You’re welcome indeed!

SCROOGE
But if there’s time, I’d like to set one thing aright before we eat.

FRED
Our dinner won’t be ready for another hour.

SCROOGE
I’ll return soon and, in the meantime, Merry Christmas to you all!

NARRATOR
Hurrying again, SCROOGE found himself at Cratchit's door and knocked.

SCENE: Cratchit’s Kitchen

CRATCHIT
Mr. Scrooge!

Musical Number # 33 – “Cratchit’s Comeuppance”

SCROOGE (singing)
Bob Cratchit, happy day,
And Missus Cratchit, too.
I’ve given thought to many things
I should take up with you.

To speak tomorrow made
No sense that I could find,
When you’d be late for work again,
And think me most unkind.

CRATCHIT
Please Mr. Scrooge, I promise I shan’t be late again, ever.

SCROOGE
That matter wasn’t on my mind.

CRATCHIT (singing)
And please, Sir, please don’t think
That I’m a profligate.
Whilst true we’ve had a mighty bird,
It’s one we didn’t rate.

I know not whence it came,
This gift from out the sky.
Our benefactor we should thank,
At least I’d like to try.

SCROOGE
I’m happy about your Christmas dinner, but that wasn’t on my mind, either.

CRATCHIT
What, then, Mr. Scrooge? What is it?

SCROOGE (singing)
A Merry Christmas! Bob!
I only came to say
I’m go’ng to raise your salary,
And by a lot, today!

MRS. CRATCHIT
I can't believe my ears!

SCROOGE (singing)
Oh! Yes, you must believe.
The raise is just the start.
I plan to help in many ways,
And take Tim to my heart.

CRATCHIT
I’m overwhelmed. Speechless. How can I ever thank you?

SCROOGE
No need of that. We’ll discuss the details tomorrow, but not at the office. Over a bowl of Christmas cheer at the Queen’s Head Pub. That would be much better.

FRED
I’ve got a grand idea. It's still awhile before our goose is cooked and Uncle SCROOGE returns, so let’s go walk about to greet our friends and wish ‘em all a Merry Christmas?

SCROOGE
I must be going now. I’m having Christmas dinner with my Nephew Fred, but most heartily, I wish you all a Merry Christmas.

CRATCHIT
Our dinner isn’t ready quite. Perhaps we'll walk along with you part way.

SCROOGE
And what say you to that my fine young Tim?

TINY TIM
I say this is the finest Christmas ever. And I say God Bless Us Everyone!

SCENE: A London Street

Musical Numbers # 34 / #35 / # 36 - (Finale Ultimo)

(Initially numbers, #34 and #35 are interleaved but they soon devolve into #36, a bona fide medley.)

Musical Number #34 - “God Bless Us, Every One!” (Reprise)

CRATCHIT FAMILY (singing)
Here’s our heartfelt toast to you,
When e’er your Christmas feast is done:
May you most humbly thankful be -
And say, God bless us, every one!

This time of year, our world is cold,
And dark and drear without the sun,
But brighter days lie just ahead,
For God does bless us, every one!

Oh, poverty, adversity -
Yes, most of us have tasted some,
But every day some joy shines through.
Sure God has blest us, every one!

We struggle on from day to day,
Until life’s battle can’t be won,
But, in the end, he’ll bring us home.
Yes, God will bless us, every one!

So best of cheer to all those here.
Of mirthless Christmas we’ll have none.
Now drink Tim’s toast and then proclaim
For all, “God bless us, every one!”

Musical Number # 35 – “Merry Christmas!” (Reprise)

FRED, FAMILY, and REST OF COMPANY (singing)

Merry Christmas! For all people,
Mothers, fathers, children, too.
Merry Christmas! May Saint Nick’lous
Bring good cheer in all they do.

Merry Christmas! for our friends here,
And for folk throughout the earth.
Merry Christmas! for all people,
As they mark our Savior’s birth!

Merry Christmas! On His birthday,
We recall the manger spare.
Hope for mankind, wrap’d in swaddling,
Christ, our Savior, lying there!

(Refrain)
Merry Christmas! we do wish you,
And a Happy New Year, too!
Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!
Joy to you the whole year through!

EXIT MUSIC - Musical Number # 38 – “Merry Christmas!”